Moving to America

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”

Matthew 6: 25-26

I was learning to be content with my new life. I was enjoying my daily routines and having friends to play with. The day had finally come for me to start school and move downstairs to my new room. I was so excited! I would have a new bedroom that I would share with fourteen other girls. I knew it would be cramped, but I was excited to have so many girls to talk to and be friends with. 

 Living in the orphanage, we didn’t have many personal belongings. This made our move really easy. The orphanage staff took us downstairs and showed us to our room. Once we were settled in, they walked us across the street to school. School took place for everyone on the second floor. It must have been so difficult for our teacher! She was the only teacher on staff and she was responsible for teaching every grade level. I remember being so excited to have the opportunity to learn. School wasn’t a priority when I lived with my parents, so this was like a fresh start. 

My day started at six in the morning. The orphanage staff had us go outside, stretch, and then run around the building four times. Once we finished, we headed inside to eat breakfast, get dressed, brush our teeth, and then walk to class. We met our teacher at the front door of the classroom. She was nice. She showed us our assigned seats and began class by telling us the rules. She required us to sit up straight, have both hands crossed in our laps, and raise our right hand if we had a question. She showed us the proper way to hold our pencil. I remember writing numbers and letters in class. Like most kids, my favorite part of the school day was recess. While it was inside the building in the hallway, it was a nice break. We were able to jump rope. Also during the school day, we had ballet class. We learned classical ballet. I felt so fancy when I was learning the classical ballet moves. After the ballet class was PE. We had a huge gymnasium downstairs where we learned gymnastics, proper stretching, running, and soccer. I also remember climbing a rope all the way from the floor to the very top of the ceiling. It was so scary reaching the top and looking back down; but there was also a feeling of accomplishment. We had lunch at some point during the day, which was usually borscht. From time to time, I would walk to my brother’s classroom to check on him. I didn’t see him much, but he seemed to be doing well when I did see him. When the school day ended, we were allowed to play outside. Most of the girls would sit around and talk, but I liked to be on the go. I would always play soccer with the boys. After a while I got pretty good and the boys wanted me on their team. 

I remember there being many times that I would go off by myself and climb a tree. I would think about my life and how I got to be here in the orphanage. I would think about my mom and how much I still missed her. I had such a strong hatred for my dad and what he had done to me, my mom, and my brother. It was hard to deal with these feelings on my own. I longed for someone to talk to about them, but there was no one that I was close enough with to share how I was feeling. 

One day we were given extra time to play in the building. I found this old red Bible. It was a basic Bible that was easy to read. I read this Bible over and over again. My favorite part was the story of Jesus and His life. I wondered who he was and if he was real. I was so curious to learn more that one day I asked one of the staff why we didn’t go to church. She told me that she would look into it and see if we could go. I didn’t expect her to actually come through for me, but one day she surprised me by saying that we had been approved to go to church. Our whole class was allowed to go. That next Sunday, we went to my first Orthodox Christian Church. This was my first time ever setting foot in a church. I was excited and nervous all at the same time. We stood and listened to the sermon. I was so confused, but I loved being there and tried to learn as much as I could. Church ended with everyone being sprinkled with Holy Water. We went back from time to time, but most of the kids found church boring, so we eventually stopped going. 

Over the course of my first grade year, I became really close with one of the staff workers. Even though I initially thought she was one of the meanest ladies there, making me give her back massages during nap time or after cleaning, we eventually grew on each other and she looked out for me. One day she asked me if I wanted to stay with her at her mom’s house across the street. I wanted to say no, but a part of me really wanted to leave the orphanage for a little while. Her mother worked for a bread making company and was really sweet. I spent a lot of time with them. Everywhere we went in town, we took a bus. I remember going to the lake and to concerts. I went out to the country with her parents to help on their farm. This reminded me of being back home with my grandparents. I loved this time. I was content. 

My first grade year passed quickly and everything was going well. I had seen many of my friends become adopted and leave the orphanage. I knew this may happen to me, but it wasn’t something that I thought of often. One day the orphanage staff came up to me and told me that a family was going to visit me the next day. They told me that the family was from America and they were interested in adopting me. I wasn’t sure what to think! Every night before I went to bed, I had been praying that God would bless me with a family. Now that there was a chance that it might happen, I wasn’t so sure that I wanted it. I was content with my life at the orphanage. I also had a flashback to a dream I had a few months before where I was adopted by an American family and everything went horribly wrong. I was honestly scared to meet this couple. 

The night passed with restless sleep. The next morning,  my brother and I got all dressed up. I wore a black skirt, black shoes, and a white top. I can’t remember what my brother wore, but I know that he was dressed up too. I remember being so nervous. My best friend Luba and her brother came along with us. They were meeting a different family on the same morning. The staff walked us over to the main building where the staff offices were. My brother and I were the first to walk into the room. I saw two families sitting at the table, one on either side. The staff hadn’t told me which family I was interviewing with, so I just sat down. After a moment of confusion, the staff moved our seats around and told us which family was interested in us. I was so nervous and shy. We tried to chat for a little while, but the language barrier made it difficult. We got up and the staff took the families on a tour around the orphanage. I told my brother that we had an American mama. I remember him smiling so big. The family stayed for a few days with us, spending time getting to know us. One day, Crystal asked about the other side of the orphanage where the younger kids stayed. They told Crystal and Jessie that they could see that side of the orphanage as well. The staff told me that I would walk along with them but I remember that my brother didn’t go.  When we walked into the building, Crystal saw the younger kids playing. She played with a little boy. I could tell that she made an instant connection with him. I felt uneasy because every day that they came to visit, they would pick me up and then walk me over to the younger kid’s building to play.  I was really confused because I thought that they would be adopting both me and my brother. About a week went by and the staff brought me over to Crystal and Jessie. I saw the luggage sitting with them. I thought that it was mine and my brother’s but when I looked, my brother’s belongings were nowhere to be found. I saw all of these new clothes that were just for me and a smaller child. While I was excited about the clothes, I was so upset because I knew that my brother wasn’t going with me. The staff told me that my brother would not be adopted because he was too expensive and that I needed to go and give him my final goodbyes. I remember giving him a hug and not letting go. I sobbed! I didn’t want to leave him. The staff pulled us apart and told me that it was time to go. The car was loaded and we left. Just like that, my whole world changed. I was now going home with my American mom and dad, and a new brother who would eventually be named Joshua. I remember that we stayed in a hotel for the night. I was crying and Joshua was screaming, but I don’t remember much else. The next day we rode a train to Moscow. We made a quick stop at the doctor for what I believe was a physical to make sure that Joshua and I were in good health. We stayed in a hotel that night, and the next day, boarded a plane for America. While the details are fuzzy because I was so little, I remember that I was so mad that my brother wasn’t going with me. Yet again, I felt my life crumbling around me and I had no say in it. I had already lost so much, and now my brother was taken away from me too. But to make matters even worse, there was a language barrier, so I couldn’t even tell Crystal and Jessie how I was feeling. I felt all alone.

At the time, none of this made sense to me. I really thought that I would grow up in the orphanage, going to school and playing with my friends. I had everything that I wanted; I was perfectly content! But God had other plans for me, plans that would come with many ups and downs. In the next segment, I’ll talk about life with Crystal and Jessie and how I ended up moving back to Russia.