Life at the Orphanage

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19

This was all a nightmare! It couldn’t really be happening. I remember stepping off the bus, wondering what was in store for me at the orphanage. My heart was pounding; my mind racing. Would I get to see my brother? What would I do if I was separated from him too? My brother and I had been through so much together, I couldn’t imagine not having him by my side. He was my rock; my support system. My brother and I were led into the building and taken to a room that had at least six beds. We were told we would sleep here for now while we went through processing. I had never slept in my own bed before. Growing up in the apartment with my parents, my brother and I had always shared a bed. I was so nervous that for the first few nights I shared a twin bed with my brother. It was a tight squeeze, but I remember feeling safe. I was still in such disbelief that this was happening. I remember laying in bed thinking that my mom would come running through the door at any minute to take us home, but the only thing that came running that night were the tears streaming down my cheeks. 

Morning came and processing began. The staff was friendly enough; they checked our weight and height to see if our growth was on track. They asked us basic questions about our medical history. I remember mentioning to the staff that a young family member had attempted to rape me. She asked me if I would tell her what had happened. It was hard to recount the events that took place, but I remember sharing with her that it was a rainy day at my grandparents house. I was with my brother and another boy (who was a cousin or a young uncle). We were playing outside. My brother and the boy stepped away so that I couldn’t hear what they were discussing. I was able to hear my brother tell the boy that he would watch his back. The boy came over and began to take my clothes off. He held me down as he was trying to kiss me. I fought with everything that I had in me. I was so disgusted. My brother yelled out that someone was coming. The boy quickly began to pee on me; he told me to put my clothes back on and that if anyone asked what was wrong, I was to tell them that I had an accident. My dad rounded the corner, saw me crying, and asked why I had wet my pants. I couldn’t respond. He took me inside and began yelling at me. My mom just stood there and watched. I was relieved that my dad didn’t hit me; he just yelled for a while. When he finished yelling at me, my mom told me to run outside and not be seen. I remember such strong feelings of anger rising up in me as I recounted this to the nurse. I began to wonder why I still felt comfort when I was around my brother. The staff finished up our processing over the course of a week. All of our downtime at this facility was spent in our room. We weren’t allowed to have any outside play time. At the end of the week, we boarded another bus and headed to our next facility.   

I couldn’t shake the fear of not knowing what was to come. When we arrived at our next facility, I was separated from my brother. We were not allowed to see each other. He took the few belongings that he had and moved into the second floor dorms with the older children. I took my belongings and moved into the first floor dorms with children my age. I was so lonely. I think back to the many times I sat with a group of girls, crying and longing to see my mom. I missed her so much. The days went by slowly. The staff gave us chores and we were able to play outside. About three weeks had passed when two of the staff came into my room and told me that my mom had come to see me. I couldn’t believe that she had raised enough money to make such a long trip to visit. I was so excited! I was confident that she had come to take me and my brother home. I burst through the front door, but quickly paused on the steps. Standing outside was a woman with short hair that I didn’t recognize at all. The ladies at the orphanage reminded me that this was my mom. I remember telling them over and over that it wasn’t my mom. My mom had long hair down to her shoulders. This lady had hair as short as my brother’s. I stood there for a few minutes, just staring at this woman. My brother finally came running down the stairs. I can still see the excitement on his face. He ran straight to this strange woman and gave her a huge hug. As they began talking, I recognized her voice. I went over and crawled up in her lap. While I can’t recall much of what we talked about, I do remember how good it felt to be in her arms again. We ate candy and stayed outside for a while. I asked my mom if she was going to take us home. She told us no, and that the trip had been very expensive to come visit us so she didn’t know when she would be able to come back. As our visit was coming to an end, I gave my mom a huge hug and told her thank you for the candy. If I could go back in time, I’d hug her more tightly; I’d tell her that I love her and that I would do my best to see her again one day. I’d tell her that all of these things happening to us weren’t her fault and that I forgive her. I would tell her that I was beyond blessed to have her as my mom. This was the last time that I saw my mom, and I cherish this memory so much. I found out much later in life that she had worked very hard to save the money to come and visit us. There were so many other things that she could have used that money for, but she chose to come and see her kids one last time. 

After our visit, I went back upstairs to my room. My roommates were sitting in front of the TV. I shared the bag of candy that my mom had left us with them. Candy was a rare treat, so they were all so excited! That night, I got myself ready for bed. I was so upset that I wasn’t able to leave with mom. I laid my head down on my pillow and began sobbing. I missed her so much! The girl who slept in the bed next to me reassured me that everything would be OK. She was a great source of encouragement and strength. Over my time at this orphanage, we became great friends. She was the first real friend I can remember outside of my family. I was becoming comfortable. A few more weeks went by. My brother and I found out that we were being moved to yet another orphanage. I was heartbroken. Not only had I lost my mom, I now had to say goodbye to a good friend. My brother and I packed our things and headed out the front doors to the bus. As we boarded, the staff told us that we were being moved to an orphanage that we would stay in for a long time. I felt like I couldn’t catch a break, like my world was crashing down around me! All I wanted was to be back on the farm with my grandparents, milking cows and running outside. But here I was, sitting on another bus, heading towards another orphanage. 

It’s surreal to think back on this time in my life. I was so lonely and broken. The fear of the unknown was crippling at times. But as I sit here writing, staring out at the beautiful family that God has blessed me with, I’m reminded of the verse that I began with; “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19 The road to now was long, and as you’ll see in next week’s post, it came with many more struggles.

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